A value system is defined as a set of consistent ethic values (more specifically the personal and cultural values) and measures used for the purpose of ethical or ideological integrity. A well defined value system is a moral code.
Most children are taught & shown different things by their parents & neighbors that shape who we are for years to come. At that age we have a limited sight distance that consists of our family, schoolmates & members of our place of worship. When we turn 18 and venture off into the world how much of these teachings do we carry with us? How much should we carry with us into adulthood? Do we limit our chances of finding true compatibility by using these same avenues as adults when seeking companionship?
I have a very intelligent, successful black male friend named *Brent. He’s a member of the Omega Psi Phi fraternity & has been happily married for 5 years. I asked him this week what is it that makes a man marry a woman? His number one reason was values:
1) Values – Faith & family has a lot to do with this. If he is a person of faith, had it instilled from childhood or was raised in an environment of marriage relationships. These things become important and priority to him, because he subconsciously wants to recreate how he was raised. This is done when he MATURES – the point/stage when a man realizes something is missing in his life (because originally since creation, God created man, but said it’s not good for him to be alone, so he created woman). So innately a man feels incomplete until he has a women joined with him but again this is only at a mature state.
2) To Give Love
(physical connection/intimacy) – Sexually speaking the man is the
giver that’s why he has his tool (lol), and the woman is a receiver that’s why
she’s created to receive. So sex for him is not just a release, but his way of
giving love, giving of himself and giving life out of himself. Which makes him
feel affirmed of his manhood, valued because someone is receiving him,
confident when he knows he pleases a women . It gives a sense of leadership and
authority because when a women truly receives a man it’s a form of her
submitting to him, giving him control over her body. So giving love, which he
does mainly through sex, but also emotionally, intellectually and spiritually is
his way of giving a gift of himself. When a man reaches maturity and really
values himself and his gift giving ability he doesn’t just want to give of
himself to any recipient but to a women worthy of himself, who he can give
to over and over again. This makes him want to marry a woman of worth where he
can feel safe and secure to do this with for the rest of his life. MEN WHO TRULY
VALUE THEMSELVES MARRY. MEN WHO DON’T, CHEAT AND HAVE TROUBLE COMMITTING THAT’S WHY THEY DON’T MARRY BECAUSE REALLY THE DON’T VALUE THEMSELVES.3) To Conquer – When a man really falls for a woman
the thrill and game to have all of her, mostly physically at first strongly
attracts him. If she’s really his fit and of value, the longer she delays in
giving him truly what he wants actually makes her of more value and worth to
him, sort of like delayed gratification. A women at this point can actually
set the pace towards marriage. While she’s making him wait for the
goodies he in a sense is indirectly forced to spend more time finding out the
true inner worth and qualities of her. This turns his attraction into a love
that he possibly will commit to so he can have not only the goodies, but her
worth as well, forever (marriage).
I also find it interesting that Kanye West is dating a woman who is admittedly bisexual & former stripper when he previously dated someone who seems as wholesome as apple pie. It’s entirely possible that Amber may have only slept with one man her entire life & Alexis might have smashed 1,000 but according to men, they believe they can look at a woman & know everything about her. I’ve been told from some men that everything from the way a woman styles her hair to the polish she chooses for her toes is scrutinized to determine if she is “marriage material” or just looking for a good time. Marriage material meaning these things detailed above are or will likely be in place. Amber Rose looks like the antipathy of that image. Even Omarion has made a statement about her saying “No disrespect, but no Amber Rose for me. Everybody has their past – and don’t get me wrong, I’m not judgemental at all – but I do like a certain amount of class.” Seems a bit harsh to me but is his opinion is indicative of how most men feel? Can those same values that you learned as a child inhibit you from being an open minded, decision making adult when choosing your mate?
Related posts:
- Friday Love Notes: Is It Wrong For A Woman To Expect Her Man To Be A Hero Or Prince Charming?
- Friday Love Notes: Should She Put Her Career On Hold For Babies?
- Friday Love Notes: Is It Better To Be A Jump Off Or A Wife?
- Friday Love Notes: The Convention Of The Wounded By Love
- Friday Love Notes: What’s It Take For A Down Ass Bitch To Become Wifey?
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