You meet the perfect guy or lady… good credit, good job, nice looks…but then they throw this little piece of information at you…they got kids!  Being single with no children above the age of 22 these days is like a Utopia.  You have to search high and low, in between crevices and dark alleys if you want to be with someone who comes solo.

Now, I love kids and I commend those who are able to embrace a mate who comes with a pre-made family.  But am I wrong for wanting to share the experience of starting a family for the first time with my significant other…it being something new for BOTH of us?

Not only does someone with kids come with a host of baggage, but it can complicate things–most importantly for the children involved.  What if it doesn’t work out and you’ve built a relationship with these kids?  Are you supposed to just walk out of their lives because things aren’t good between you and their mommy or daddy.  That confuses children.

I’m not saying single parents should just give up all hope on love and not date.  But for me, myself, personally, I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I might hurt someone’s children if what looks like it was meant to be turns to disaster.

I don’t know about you but I don’t have the best relationship with my exes.  How might a bad break-up affect the children? I was watching Baisden After Dark on TV One the other day and they were discussing single-parent dating.  Shar Jackson (you all know the Kevin Federline-Britney Spears- baby mama drama) and Niecy Nash (I want a Cleeeean House) were the guests.

Jackson with four kids claimed that she doesn’t allow the person she’s dating to meet her children unless she believes it’s going somewhere.  She said that in a previous relationship, it took her nine months to feel comfortable enough to introduce her partner to her kids.  When dating as a single parent, there should definitely be a policy set in place.  You don’t want to bring just anyone around your little ones.

Another reason why I’m leery about dating someone with youngsters is because there are so many boundaries you don’t want to cross.  When is it okay to let your boo discipline your children?  Nash joked that if her kids get out of line her man always has the right to whoop that behind.

Hit the jump to take the poll!

This is an area I am not comfortable entering.  I don’t feel like it’s my place to discipline anyone else’s children.  It takes a lot of time to get to that level.

Oh and let’s not forgot the drama.  Look at Angela and Marcus (Why Did I Get Married?).  Angela’s insecurities came with the fact that she had to face her husband’s past everyday.

Angela had to deal with Marcus’ baby mama bad-mouthing her to the kids, getting in her face, messing with her man…too much drama!–drama that occurs when you have to deal with your ex on a consistent basis.  Now of course Tyler Perry is over-the-top but by no means did he stretch the imagination in describing many unstable baby mama- baby daddy relationships.

Children are a gift and shouldn’t be looked at as a downfall.  There are a lot of people who love children and don’t mind or even prefer to be with someone who already has them.  But, in Miss Independent’s opinion,  relationships are hard enough as it is without extra baggage.   And I don’t have time for the drama!

So my question for all my childless single people.  Knowing all the issues, would you date someone with children?

R.N. Gibson